18 01 2013

Angels fell so why can’t men that were saved.  The whole once saved always saved I no longer believe.  I feel you can lose your salvation.  I only say this because of my own personal experiences.  I got saved in 2008 and I walked the path that God wanted me to until last year.  I started going back to what I knew and what I liked, Porn, One of the unspoken things that binds people up.  The last year I haven’t heard God or seen God.  I wasn’t seeking Him and I didn’t want Him.  I liked what I was doing and I could justify it, so than it must have been ok than right? Either way I was not with God and I was at a state where I was “Lukewarm” Rev 3:16 says “So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”  If God is going to “spit” someone out of His mouth than to me that translates to not getting into Heaven which equals loss of salvation. 

Please leave any comments you may have.  This is just one believer’s thoughts about something that will be debated until the end of the World.


Listen to the Lord

17 01 2013

So many times we as people forget that our actions have reactions.  I have done some stuff recently that I am not proud of and hurt someone’s feelings that I wish I didn’t. At the same time I finally actually listened to God.  I always wanted a relationship and I thought I was ready but God made it clear to me that I am not ready and in fact I am farther away than I could have even imagined.

This is all because I decided I was ready and was taking the steps towards that.  Someone actually opened their heart to me and I hurt it.  The one thing I didn’t want to do.  At the same time I’m glad I ended it when I did because first it was what God was telling me and I haven’t listened to His voice in a while and secondly if I kept going it would have hurt both of us even worse.

This is the time I must “Trust in the Lord with all my Heart and lean not on my own understanding but in ALL my ways acknowledge Him…”So that He can direct my way.  

Waiting for you to see

11 12 2012

Hoping you would open your eyes to see me here sitting and waiting.

Waiting for you to realize I wouldn’t be a mistake.

Waiting for you to see that I’m not like the rest.

For you to see I actually care about you.

When will this be?

Maybe never, but hopefully not.

Until you do, I will be waiting for you.

New Testimony

12 11 2012

I posted this in my other blog and although I already have one in this blog, I like the way this one is written.

I am about to post my testimony.  I didn’t want to post it on this blog as I already have another one with it but I feel like I need to on this one too.

Our past is our past. It does shape our future, not in what we will become but in what we wont become. My testimony could mean lose of friends or gain in respect or both or neither, but my testimony will give glory to God.

Like many growing up I was picked on either because of my speech or my weight. Like many it caused me to have low self-esteem. That is not the worst that happened to me. The worst thing that happened to me was a choice I made, when I first looked at pornography. I was around 15 or 16.

It wasn’t a surprise that my dad give it to me, but it was a choice I had and I did what I shouldn’t have. Little did I know this would start a whirl wind of depression and shame. Every year my addiction grew along with my self esteem lowering.

By the time I was 18 it was worse than I could have imagined. At this same point I was feeling a pull to go to church. I was living at a homeless shelter at this time and so I went to a church that a volunteer did the worship at. I went a few times but was too afraid of how the congregation would react if they found out this secret of mine. So what did I do I ran. This happened from church to church.I was ashamed and depressed. God couldn’t accept me for what I did, could he? These people are perfect and I’m not.

When I was about 21 I went to my mom’s church same thing happened I went and swear I would never go back, but wouldn’t you know God had another plan for me. A few months later, I ended up moving back to my home town literally less than a ¼ mile from my mom’s. Would you know it every week I asked my mom if I could go to church with her. This had to be power from God after all I swear I wouldn’t go back to this church. About 3 weeks after going there a missionary was speaking it was April 23rd 2008, and that is the day I accepted the Lord into my life. A few more weeks passed and I finally opened up to someone about my struggle, the Pastor. To my surprise he told me it is not uncommon in the world for someone to have this addiction. Then he told me that even in the christian community it is a problem. I thought it couldn’t be that big after all, I never heard anyone talk about it. Then I talked to the elder and he told me the same thing. I was amazed were all this people I’ve seen in all these Churches acting happy? Later I would learn that their joy came from the Lord.

Again a few months passed and now it is August 2008 and I realized I need help to fight this. I ended up in September 1st 2008 going into a Christian Rehab called Teen Challenge. There is where my life would change. I would have to give my testimony but I would never give the real one and would give a testifony. Until one day God opened my heart, I was out on a Choir and I felt the need to give my real testimony for the 1st time. Once I did I was amazed with the release of pressure that came. The Holy Spirit moved in a way that was in a way words cant explain, just felt.

I graduated Teen Challenge in December 2009 and stayed as a staff. I left there in June 2011 to come to Southeastern. When I got here I didn’t tell anyone my testimony until one night I felt like I needed to tell my group of friends both guy friends and girl friends. I thought for sure some would go running but everyone stuck by my side.

Through all my 26 years on this Earth, I never realized that my past was my past. 2ndCorinthians 5:17 stats it the best “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation the old has gone but the new has come.” Although we are a new creation in Christ we cannot be ashamed of who we were because it is who we were that will help us to minister to others. How would I be able to minister to those that have been through addiction of any kind or even depression if I hadn’t gone through it. We all have our past and with that we can help others.  

Addiction, Sin, Love

18 10 2012

Addiction is an Addiction.

Sin is a Sin

And Love is Love.


An addiction is an addiction. It is all you can think about. Everything you do is to get the next big rush. Whether it is Drugs, Alcohol or even Sex it takes control.


Sin is Sin. It all leads to the same place hell. Whether is be rape, murder or even stealing and lying. It all lead to the same judgment.



Love is Love it is not lust or “like”. “Love is patient,love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.”


So let Jesus be your addiction. Let him take your sin and let love shine in and thru you.


27 09 2012

Backsliding a state in which a saved one goes back to their ways before their salvation and feels even more regret than before they accepted Jesus. This is a state in which many people when they get there often have a harder time coming back to Christ because of the guilt and shame they have caused.

Often people have debated that if one is in a backsliding state that they in fact of lost their salvation. I personally have a very mixed feeling about this. As one that is coming out of a backslid state I cannot say that I lost my salvation but rather rejected it. This is a choice I made compared Christ taking it from me. As soon as I wanted it back, it was right where I left it at Jesus’ feet, when I turned my back on Him. The next question I have gotten when people have found out that I have been in this state is “What happened that you stopped doing what was right?” I have to respond with the truth which could be answered with the question “I stopped doing what was right. I stopped getting into Jesus’ word known simply as the Bible and stopped praying.” This is not an easy thing to admit to the World that I have failed. Many people that have known me for years would not be surprised and might tell you that I am a failure. This is even what I feel as I am coming out of this state, but Christ’s word says different. It doesn’t say that when a sheep goes astray that He doesn’t do anything because they are a hopeless failure but rather He goes after them. He came after me but not in a way that I would have liked. I got kicked out of my mom’s house because of the stupidity that I did, then afterward my friend bailed on me that I was supposed to stay with, but God allowed that all to happen so that I could go back to where I started at Teen Challenge. God had to “break my leg” to keep me from wondering even more. Once I was heal a little I was able to come back to Him some more. I still haven’t made it all the way home to His arms, but either way He is calling me and holding His arms out for me and has a feast ready for me. So parting all denominational difference aside as far as eternal security and take it from someone that has gone astray and “Don’t every leave the arms of the loving Father that called you once. Don’t test him and continue finding the joy and love that is Christ.” You have been warned please don’t test the limits.

Two 4 one

21 09 2012

This week my aunt passed away. She was only 52 years old. This was a shock to my family. It has got me thinking about how short life really is and how it can be taken from us at anytime. To think that Im half her age and I could be on my last half of my life; that is if I make it to 52 again I dont know when my time will be up, but I don’t want to have any regrets. I don’t want to hold anything back anymore. I don’t want my fears to be my road blocks and then wonder what would have happened if I just dealt with it. This is a tough time for me but I know I will get though it.

I have sown off dating this semester. It has not been as hard as I thought, but it is getting tougher. I don’t want to give up but this one has been stirring my heart for a while. Ever since I laid my eye upon hers, I wanted to know her better. It wasn’t lust it was purely her beauty. It took me a while just to say “Hi” to her outside of class. I never thought we would be called friends. This is one of the friends I hope will never pass. She is one of those friends you know will be there when you need them.