Again Random :-)

18 09 2011

I really don’t know where to start today. I just know that I have had a rough week with a lot of little things getting me down. I know there has been one person that everyday has put a smile on my face and makes me feel better just seeing her. Of course this is nothing compared to what I feel with Christ and in fact I think its Christ shining though her that makes me smile. She knows stuff about me I never thought I would tell someone so soon, however I believe it is the Christ in her that is shining though and why she is still talking and hanging out with me. It is the Love of Christ in her; I know because I can see it. She sees everyone trough eyes of Christ something I wish I would do more often.

I just wish I could tell what others think. I sometimes feel like I’m stuck in my own world with no idea what others feel. Its really hard to explain but the only way I can is, I feel like Clark Kent in Smallville but without the whole super powers. I feel like in the past that I’m completely oblivious to things going on. I can’t tell when people really like me or being smart and along with that comes whether or not a girl likes me or is just wanting to be a friend. I was pretty sure one time that one just wanted to be friends but I was wrong but I knew it just wasn’t going to end up right so I didn’t follow through. I felt dumb that time but that just got me think how many other time I could have be oblivious to others around me.

I know I’m a kind and compassionate person. Doesn’t that count for something? I was told that it was what was on the inside that matter not the outside. I have always been the kind and compassionate person but it isn’t until recently that I have been trying even harder to get it out and show people.

Right now I’m been listening to Casting Crowns and whenever I do I like never get home until after 4am. I love their songs; Stained Glass Masquerade was how I felt before I got saved and now I really like What this World Needs. What this World Needs is exactly what the song says.

This is every jumpy I know but I don’t really care. I’m typing what is on my mind. I don’t know why but I for the 1st time in my life feel free. I maybe trapped in this world and everything in it but I think its my freedom in Christ and my confidence in who I am in Him. I am more outgoing than I ever have been, and owe it to some friends in Teen Challenge New Jersey that God used to help boost my confidence. I’m still not where I would like to be but I’m getting closer everyday. I am trying to take life as it comes and hope that one day I will turn around and look back and see how far I have came, even more so than when I do now. I know I have many more roadblocks in the way but I have The Way over them which is Jesus Christ.




One response

20 09 2011
Sweet Rains

A pastor, whose sermons I often listen to, when talking about love, said, “There is a spot in you that you are dying to have touched, and yet, your soul must be touched there, and only God can fill it. You see, God made that void there… and until that’s filled, you can’t love like you could love otherwise, because you don’t know what genuine real love is. See to be loved is to love. You love like you’re loved. The more you experience and realize how absolutely lovable and adorable you are to God, that changes you and how you love others.” (Pastor Steve Cobb of Temple Baptist Church of New Bern, NC in his sermon “Really Loving the Fellowship”)

I once heard another pastor say that we don’t need to learn to love ourselves; we already do. Then he went onto to talk about how we will do things in order to protect and preserve ourselves, thereby proving how much we love or care about ourselves. While I understand and agree with what he was saying to a point, I’ve also personally experienced interacting with people who are so insecure and feel the need to earn God’s love and do things for people in order to earn acceptance and love, because they don’t feel very lovable, that they end up continually grasping for love that is already theirs and pushing people away.

Anyway, it is such a blessing to see your love and zeal for God and to hear of how He has changed and is continuing to mold and make you like His Son. 🙂

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